Personal Development Coaching BS: Signs your Coach is incompetent

Today I received one of these invites again: “Join the biggest list building event of the year.” Hundreds of personal development coaching people group together to collect as many email addresses as they can. While it is understandable that we want the chance to speak to YOU, it should always be done in style. And with style, I mean: from the point of a Coach who wants to help people – not from the point of a marketing ninja who wants to sell as many products as possible.

Coach or Marketing expert?

Every coach can tell you that this event doesn’t have any benefit for participants. It works as follows: all of the hundreds of Coaches who participate in the event promote it. Every Coach offers a freebie. To access the freebie you have to sign up for his newsletter. I believe that our job is not to exploit the weaknesses of people. Obviously, as it’s human nature, people will sign up to as many freebies as they can. They will store all of the files on their computer, perhaps briefly open one or two, but not gain knowledge. It doesn’t matter how good or bad the free content is – if we collect information instead of learning skills we will not benefit from it. When it comes to establishing a relationship with a potential client, I can hardly think of worse scenario than someone who just signed up for 60 newsletters. This and a few other things that bugged me caused me to write this article about personal development coaching BS for you. So here it goes: personal-development-coaching-bullshit-signs-your-coach-is-incompetent-768x384

Signs your coach might be incompetent

Email bombs

As soon as you signed up for a newsletter or purchased a training, you start to receive one email after the next. Each email promotes a wonderful training from “friends” of your Coach. While there is nothing wrong with recommending a good training of a partner or friend, it all has to be done in moderation, in good taste, and with nothing but the client’s best in mind. The art is not to provide good information. Everyone already has great books on their bookshelves. The art and our legitimization to exist is to help people to turn information into knowledge and knowledge into skills. As Coaches, we know that it takes about nine weeks to implement new habits. That is approximately how long it takes for the brain to remove neural pathways that do not serve us and form new ones. The biggest challenge in personal development coaching is to help people to stay motivated and keep training and repeating until they have mastered a skill. If we try to sell clients training after training before they achieved the goals from the first one, we either don’t know what we’re doing or we don’t care that we are doing it wrong. Let’s suppose that these Coaches have attended all of the training they recommend to their subscribers and clients. Everything else would be shady.

Unrealistic promises

A Coach cannot promise more or less than that his personal development coaching material is suited to give you the results you’re looking for. He cannot promise you will achieve the results. If you burn the training material or refuse to even communicate with your coach, you will not achieve your goal. Therefore, a good Coach will not guarantee any results.

More marketing than substance

It’s certainly a wonderful thing if you are able to write great email copy. Heck, I wish my own emails were better. What they are, though, is they are authentic and my aim is to provide value to my subscribers. There is a certain type of Coach who is more focused on selling and marketing than helping. They have perfect copies with all of the words proven to influence a person to buy. Ohhhhh and if you click, you’ll enter the perfect “funnel.” A funnel optimized to get you to buy — no matter if you need the service or not. They make
  • unrealistic claims (you become Clint Eastwood in 2 weeks),
  • create a false sense of urgency (ONLY today) or,
  • mark regular parts of their training as time-limited gifts.
There is no doubt that this works. Surprisingly, it even works in Webinar REPLAYS. What I question is if a good Coach should resort to trickery and manipulation. We all depend on income from our clients. Selling your services and products is perfectly alright. But the question is how you do it. I believe trust is the most important factor in a client/coach relationship. What you tell your potential client about your offer should be the truth. The alternative is focusing on growing your list and pushing out one offer from ... friends after the other. And finding more friends all the time who push out emails with your offers. No need for quibbling ... I'd hire such a Coach as an email marketing specialist any time of the day.

Personal Development Coaching too cheap

Good Coaches will not ruin themselves. While it could be just temporary desperation, if coaching is offered at a very low rate you might want to be extra careful. The hourly rate might sound very attractive, but there are a lot of costs involved with creating, maintaining and offering good coaching / self-coaching products. A Coach might just have a few clients per week. A lot of time is taken up by admin, finding those clients, service and many other tasks.

Holistic view

If your personal development coach is only focused on your professional environment, he might not be the right one for you. In nearly all cases, factors from the personal lives of clients play a part in making the desired changes. A perfect example of a wonderful and highly capable business coach is Dr. Mark Goulston.

Short sessions

Your personal development coaching partner only offers 20 or 30-minute sessions, it might be time to look for a new one. The same applies if you cannot reach him/her in person and are just dealing with ZenDesk support people. A Coach cannot be expected to offer free consultation or be available right way, but he should be reachable for his clients.

He can do everything

A personal development coach can cover a lot but not everything. Especially not everything we are being asked for by people seeking help. A good coach knows his limits and will refer you to appropriate specialists (i.e. therapists, lawyers, doctors, relationship coaches.) If your coach can “do it all” you might have reason to worry.

Personal Development Coaching BS

They take ownership of your problem. A good coach is not trying to create dependency. He is also not telling you what to do. He provides you with tools that allow you to solve your problems and he asks questions and provides information that allows you to see just where you need to go to realize your vision. While a good coach certainly gives concrete advice and makes you aware of habits that might stand in your way, a good coach would never say: “I am going to solve your problem.” Coaching is not therapy and should have a concrete goal and timeline.


There are good Coaches around and there are bad ones out there. That someone is good at marketing does not necessarily imply he is bad at coaching. That someone is great at marketing does not make him a competent Coach. You are well advised to look for personal development coaching where the goal is your success and not to sell as many products as he can. Ask yourself: Is your Coach focused on helping you to make the most out of your coaching/self-coaching program and helping you to turn knowledge into skills? If a personal development coach tries to trick or manipulate you rather than influence you, run. Did you know that emotional intelligence keeps you from falling into these lizard-brain traps? Someone with a high EQ is much harder to manipulate (; You might be interested in:  Can mindfulness change your brain? Emotional Intelligence - Understanding Emotions  

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Emotional Intelligence: Understanding Emotions

Understanding emotions and everything related to emotion is often confused for "overly emotional" or even weakness. I invite you to learn why knowledge of emotions is a powerful success- and happiness skill.


emotional intelligence understanding emotions

Understanding Emotions

People with a high EQ can understand their emotions, the sources of their emotions (and those of others) and they are in control of their actions and reactions.

Let's look at the fascinating topic "emotions" a little closer.

Many people find it hard to share their emotions with others, express or even feel them.

Most of us still have the idea that emotions are hindering an effective decision-making process and rational thinking. If rational thinking is even possible could be an interesting topic for a separate article.

It is changing but as of today women and children are still seen as more emotional creatures than men. Men stand for rationality. Both genders share this bias.

Fact is: People make emotional decisions for rational reasons. All people.

Three unique components involved in the complex psychological states (emotions) are:

  • subjective experience
  • behavioral (expressive) response
  • physiological response

Additional complication

Besides bias that still exists, the amount of information we exchange and have to process is thriving. Our ability to feel, experience and exchange emotions (emotional competence) cannot cope with that.

The typical social media user might "like" and "share" information about a mass shooting, funny joke, a dead dog, and animal cruelty during two minutes.

We get sick if we do not pay enough attention to the emotional aspects of our existence. That's simple to understand if you consider the tight relation between emotions and the 4 proven basic needs:

Or ... I should say psychological needs as I am not talking about air, food, shelter, and water.

The need for

  • love and belonging
  • freedom and autonomy
  • power
  • fun (well-being)

Every psychosomatic problem can be interpreted as an emotional problem.

Examples are depression, anxiety, stress, chronic pain, addiction ...

If we want to satisfy our need for love and closeness - or isolate ourselves and deny the need - this is accompanied by emotions.

We experience emotional reactions when others are interested in us or aggressive towards us.

When we are self-aware and assess our strengths and weaknesses it triggers emotions.

Various types of Emotions

Psychologist Paul Ekman suggested in 1972 that there are 6 universal basic emotions. In 1999, he expanded the list (after happiness):

  • anger
  • fear
  • disgust
  • surprise
  • sadness
  • happiness (my favorite one)
  • excitement
  • embarrassment
  • contempt
  • pride
  • shame
  • amusement
  • satisfaction

Robert Plutchik introduced another kind of classification system, the wheel emotions. This model shows how various emotions can be combined or mixed. Example: anticipation and happiness combined = excitement.

plutchik wheel of emotions


"Emotion" (as opposed to feeling) includes a blueprint for action (i.e. "I won't put up with that). Experience, evaluation, and readiness for action are one.

Experiencing emotions consciously

If we experience emotions consciously we lessen it. That means that the duration of emotions is limited. Strong emotions decrease faster.

Self-awareness (and feeling alive) requires that you allow emotions and experience them consciously.

We must accept that we cannot conserve positive emotions and can at the same time hope we will overcome negative emotions:

  • anger fades
  • fear vanishes
  • emotional pain lessens

Suppressing emotions "conserves" them. Even centuries later, they can break out with unabated force.

Past emotions leave marks (what I refer to as "brain scars"). They leave engrams in our brain. The younger we were when we experienced a situation that triggered a strong emotional reaction the less we remember the precise content.

We will remember the affective part of the situation.

Emotional Intelligence and your emotions

When we suffer painful experiences and hurtful emotions, the brain will try to make sure that a similar situation cannot repeat itself. The goal of our brain is to make sure of our survival. It is not essential to our survival that we have a flourishing career or a luxurious life.

It will form a neural pathway to the so-called lizard brain, the part that controls the "fight or flight" reaction. In consequence, we cannot make an intellectual decision as soon as something reminds our brain of a past situation.

Imagine you are looking at a cage with a tiger and the tiger jumps towards you. You would back off and you would not have the chance to decide how you want to react.

If you could think about it you would stay still as you know the cage holds the tiger or you would be yogurt already.

This fabulous survival instinct and the brain's ability to form neural pathways that allow us to flee (or fight) a dangerous situation without wasting time is at the same time what makes our lives most difficult.

Because it is not limited to physical danger. A tiger who jumps you because he wants to eat you will probably make for a bad day every time.

That one of your projects failed, the person you had to fire created a horrible scene (or you've been fired or cheated on) will not necessarily repeat itself. Each situation is new and individual.

By reacting to past negative events, our behavior will subconsciously change and in consequence likely lead to the same negative outcome as before. We create self-fulfilling prophecies.

Intellectual decisions (higher thinking) take place in the rational brain (creative brain.)

three brains neocortex reptilian mammalian

You might know of people who repeat painful experiences several times. Whenever someone says "I didn't mean it", you know what happened. Or when you hear: "Why does this or that always happen to me?"

The only way to gain back control over your actions once the brain has formed a neural pathway to the lizard brain is to retrain it. It's a process that takes a few months but comes with a lifelong reward.

Just imagine: The old saying we are our biggest problem will not apply to you any longer.

Emotion and communication

By expressing our emotions we send communicative signals to our surroundings. Our emotional expression is the basis for the perception of our conversation partners and the surrounding people.

They form their beliefs about us not just based on our spoken words.

We express our emotion by the tone of our voice, facial expression, body language, and gestures.

Those signals will inform others about our intentions and desires.

Effective communication of emotions is the prerequisite for being able to understand and be understood.

To do that, we have to understand and be in control of them and have the ability to understand those of others (empathy.)

If we are not, it will lead to conflicts, misunderstandings, lack of ability to persuade and ultimately stress and self-limiting behavior.

In social contacts, business meetings and relationships we constantly navigate the right amount of closeness and distance. Activity and passivity. This happens on a subconscious level in which "mini signals" play a huge part.

We subconsciously pick up "mini signals". If we sense, for instance, anger from the ancient past about something that went wrong back then, we will react to it.

It could look like that: You propose a project. Something your prospect says or does reminds you of that time when you've been rejected. Without being aware of it, for the instance of a second, you send mini-signals that your prospect picks up.

Based on the old emotion your conversation partner picks up he turns you down. He will argue his emotional decision with rational arguments.

Perhaps you will think that once more your instinct was right.

People should never listen to what they believe to be their instinct unless they have had emotional intelligence training. It is hard to tell instinct from protective signals the brain sends.

Allowing emotions

If we allow ourselves to feel emotions, it provides a certain feeling of liveliness that enables us to enjoy positive emotions to their fullest and endure negative ones.

As you have learned before, we cannot run away from negative emotions. They will hunt us down at some point and potentially limit our success and level of happiness.

For some reason (and I could not scientifically explain that) it seems possible to avoid positive emotions - but not negative ones.

Suppressing emotions takes away from the feeling of liveliness and will lead to compensatory or extreme behavior in some form. Or depression.

We also cannot suppress our basic needs. If we deny them, it will lead to problems.

And that also applies to the inability of self-reflection. We lose ourselves a bit if we cannot understand ourselves.

The ability to express yourself emotionally is the prerequisite for positive social contacts. When you lack the ability, you will have less constructive arguments and less positive relationships.

You will also get less of what you want because you will not send a congruent message of what it is you want.

Positive social interaction

If you cannot express your emotions effectively, the other person will not share theirs - robbing you of the ability to understand them.

You are less likely to create trust and and connection and the other person might even keep their distance and decide that they don't like you.

One way emotional intelligence training can support you is helping you to

  • understand your own emotions
  • be in control of your emotions and therefore actions and reactions
  • effectively communicate your emotions
  • understand the emotions and agenda of others
  • be able to influence others

Isn't that fabulous? With a little bit of effort, we can learn how to deal more effectively with all of the tigers we meet in business and in life.


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How to make a difficult decision


Very difficult decisions

Sometimes we are at a crossroad in our life where we have to make a difficult decision.

  • Should I start my own business or stay where I am?
  • Do I want a baby or focus on my career?
  • Should I cut the salary of all employees or fire 10 people?
  • Do I stay in my unhappy relationship for the kids?

Did you know that there is a simple hack to make difficult decisions easy?

How to make difficult decisions easy

Let's start with the why:

Why are some decisions difficult to make?

The answer is simple. Difficult decisions are difficult because no alternative seems better than the other.

Perhaps one alternative offers security while the other holds the opportunity for a larger gain. Or you have to decide if you want to trade security for freedom.

Option A might mean you will miss something now while option B could mean you will miss something later on for the rest of your life. Maybe one decision will make you unhappy while the alternative will make others unhappy.

One decision would make shareholders happy but your employees would hate you while the alternative makes everyone like you but you might not hit your target.

Think about it: when was the last time you had a hard time deciding? Maybe you have to decide right now and you can't decide which way to go.

Is it because none of the options seem better than the other? Or because you will have to trade one thing important to you for another?  Perhaps there just is no better alternative.

Let me share with you the simple trick I use to make difficult life decisions easy.

I will say upfront that it does not help with small decisions. While I have no trouble making important life decisions quickly, I still might take 5 minutes to decide which toppings I want on my pizza.

Our hack is: We change the question.


What person do I want to be?

Instead of asking: "Which decision is the better one?" we will ask: "What person do I want to be?"

You're not depending on making the best decision anymore. You can stop making a rational pro and contra list. Just throw it away!

Now you are deciding which reason for deciding matters more to you.

Is that scary? Maybe.

Because it also means we accept accountability for our decisions. It means that we take full control of our life. Not society, norms, our partner, our boss, our shareholders - we decide.

With accountability comes the opportunity to create the life you truly want. And to feel free and powerful because you make decisions are in line with your values, beliefs, and goals.

How to find your reason

How can you find out which reason matters the most to you? Simple. Look at your dreams and values.

Check your options:.

  • How will my life change?
  • Do I want to be the person?
  • Is it in line with my value system?

Suddenly you find that one option is better than the other.

Maybe the option in line with your "reason" is the scarier one.

So what?

Do you prefer to listen to the audio version of this article? Just go HERE

Related articles: 

8 Hacks for more Confidence

The Power of Anyway

Hooray to Mediocrity

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5 Tips To Stop Whining

5 Tips to stop Whining

How you can stay positive and stop whining

We're not always positive. Influenced by society, experience, upbringing, and exposure to the news we go through life. Yes, we try our best and we want to be happy. Always. But roadblocks and exhaustion can make it difficult and sometimes we enter the vale of tears. We know that whining neither helps the situation nor does it make us feel good. So how can we stay positive when the going gets tough? No whining please because:

It changes your brain

Neuroplasticity is a term that refers to the brain's ability to change its structure and function. Nerve cells die, new ones form. Brain scans proved what we suspected all along: who's whining a lot becomes more and more negative. The reason for that is that our brain cannot differentiate between what we think and what we experience. Imagine the synaptic connections like paths between nerve cells. The more you train them, the more you walk them, the more you activate them the more approachable these nerve cells will become. The good thing about it is: training and repetition lead us to our goal. But if you train whining and complaining, you will become an expert in negative emotions. The number of times you walk a path will decide which path becomes your Main Street. Negative emotions cause a physical reaction. You probably noticed: when you're mad your heart rate increases and when you are afraid your muscles become tense. The hormones that regulate these reactions are either feel-well hormones that make you happy or fear and stress hormones, for instance, cortisol, that cause tension. If you feel negative emotions over and over again, more and more of the, in this case, undesirable hormones get released. That lowers your resistance to the next stress attack and puts you in a downward spiral.

Happiness is your decision

The first step to stop whining is to make a conscious decision:
  • Do I want to be a positive person?
  • See things and positive light?
  • Have confident expectations and
  • Focus on solutions?
Or do I want to be a negative person? Be critical about everything and find errors everywhere. And, no, the decision isn’t as easy as it seems. Obviously, all of us want to go through life as happy as possible. But the whining status has a lot of advantages and you must understand those to make an educated decision.

Whining feels good sometimes

In our society, bonding over a shared enemy or negative situation is a common way of socializing. Just listen to conversations all around you. We bond when we complain about the bad weather or when we commiserate with others and we team up when we find a common enemy. A trick of our mind: if something terrible happens, our brain helps us out by making us feel as we are the unluckiest person in the world. The most terrible thing in the world just happened to us. Not just one unlucky person. Oh, no! The most unlucky person ever in all of earth, space, universe and beyond. It might sound absurd but this is how our brain helps us to feel like a winner even when we lose. Whining can help us to feel better. It takes guts and honesty to acknowledge our own responsibility when something goes wrong. And it can be painful. Last but not least, whining is a fabulous way of getting attention. And I don’t mean that in a negative way. Some of our problems are wicked and dark and the last thing people around us want us to do is to tell them our deepest problems. What we do instead if we feel that we need some attention: we complain about something else. Imagine you’re standing in line in front of a register. It would be pretty awkward if you said something like: “I have been diagnosed with herpes and that worries me” to a random stranger. But what if you complained about the slow cashier instead? The people around you have problems too and they might be just glad that they can bond with you by complaining about the store with the worst cashiers. That way everyone can get a bit of empathy and compassion while at the same time none of the unspoken rules of society have been broken and nobody felt awkward (besides the cashier should they overhear your conversation).  

Top five tips against whining

Don’t think this challenge is easy for me. We’re all human and everyone gets caught up in whining from time to time. But I have learned how I can minimize whining attacks and become a more positive person. I would love to share that knowledge with you:

Observe and recognize

The first step is to recognize that you are whining. Often we are not aware of it. But first off let me say loud and clear: do not stress yourself. If you catch yourself whining, don't despair! It’s a good thing. Knowing is the first and necessary step to making changes. For the rest of today look for the source of every negative emotion. And ask yourself:
  • How can I change my perspective?
  • How can I invite more love, acceptance, and problem solving into that moment?
And breathe deep and slowly. That always helps. An effective tool to calm your mind and for effective stress-management is brainwave entrainment. You'll find more in my digital STORE [playlist ids="1882,1883,1884,1885,1886,1887,1888,1889,1890,1891,1892,1893,1894"]

Solution mindset vs victim mindset

Let’s say you recognized something critical. Breeze deep and calm and ask yourself:
  • What can I do?
  • What besides whining and feeling bad can I do about the situation?
  • Is there anything I can say?
  • Is there anything I can do?
Do not accept:" it is what it is" answers. Love it–change it–leave it.

Positive outlook

Perceiving a difficult situation positive is not as easy as suggesting it. But it is easy to actively look for the positives and change how you feel about a situation. We have a strong tendency towards a negative mindset. The positive, grateful mindset first has to be learned. So ask yourself in the morning: “what am I looking forward to today?” And ask yourself in the evening: “what am I grateful for today?” List five positive things that happened today. While you do that, you will realize that there were a lot of small wonderful moments you had already forgotten. As we’ve discussed earlier: the more you do that the more it becomes an automatism. Every day has both: good and bad moments. You decide which have a stronger impact. At the same time, you set your brain filters to getting you more of whatever you focus your mind on. Article: Mastering the Art of Gratitude Another question that works miracles is: “How can I make the world a little better today?” Inhale good moments. Should your life be in a difficult stage right now, inhale the small good moments. The warm sun on your face, the good book, the person smiling at you. There are many things in everyone’s life to be grateful for. Train that. It will make you happier and more stress-resistant.

Focus on the big picture

You know these moments when something really extreme, intense happens. The death of a loved one or the birth of a baby. Those moments when the world seems to stand still for a moment. It’s not just about us anymore. We recognize the whole cycle of life, the ups and downs and what really matters. Most of the things we stress about are neither permanent nor relevant. Humility can help us to become fully aware of the gift of life and therefore become more positive. Train yourself to focus on the big picture. Meditation and mindfulness are helpful tools to achieve this.

Here. Now.

I practice mindfulness. I teach mindfulness. I read books about mindfulness. You know why? Most of our fears and worries have their roots in the future or past. That even applies to pain. A huge part of our suffering is related to worries that are not directly caused by the pain. Now is the time. This moment counts. Focus on what it is right now. If you need to learn how, feel free to have a look at my digital mindfulness training. Also, if you sign up to my newsletter, I can invite you to my next free workshop.

Life is great

As an apprentice to positivity, you will learn that not everyone is appreciative of your new mindset. Actually, there are a lot of people who find positive people annoying. Don’t let that irritate you. Send them extra love. Try to infect them with positivity. Don’t try to change them but also don’t let them pull you down. Take a step back, breathe deep and stop fighting. If you find that difficult, you will find tons of information on effective stress management throughout my blog.

Final words

Coming back to the example from earlier on: positive and negative people have one thing and common: We all feel the need to bond. And we will all face difficult situations. While we can’t tell our worst problems to every random person we meet, we can bond over a positive common denominator: Instead of bonding over how slow the cashiers are, we could bond by starting a conversation about how this store typically provides great service. While that might seem like a rather small example, you will realize that complaining to bond is one of the big factors why you whine. Complaining to avoid taking action is another one. So is whining to make yourself feel better. When your brain tries to comfort you the next time by telling you that you are THE person who attracts the all the bad luck: Just tell it "Thanks, brain. But no, thanks. Let's make me feel better with positive thoughts of gratitude." The tips work with all of them. Why not try it right now?   [1-click-image-ranker]

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Winning the Game of Money 2017 Review

Is Brain-A-Thon 2017 worth your time?

For those of you who do not know John Assaraf's "Winning the Game of Money" and the complimentary annual "Brain-A-Thon": At the end of this posts are links to articles that share details about the training and former Brain-A-Thons. You have every right to be a skeptic (just like me) when you read about the next "free" event. Time is the most precious good we have so that nothing is free. Ever. I have to correct myself. Sadly, most of these events are free. Free of value but full of sales pitches and shallow information.
"Must attend"-event is an expression I have never used and I also dislike it. Given how loud our world has become, it is hard to convey when you come across something that has unique value and stands out from all the empty screams surrounding us.
This is hands-on the best free source available in brain training. I'd be more than willing to pay for it for that matter - but it is free.
New content, new speakers, "old" proven speakers - 5 leading industry experts share pearls of knowledge in this 2-hour event.
Here is what you will learn:
  • "You’ll discover how to eliminate the limiting beliefs that are keeping you stuck at a certain income level
  • You’ll learn how to reprogram your brain so you can work towards adding an extra ‘0’ to your monthly income
  • You’ll be able to rewrite your money story so you can break through to that next level of wealth and abundance
  • You’ll learn how to shift from a “middle-class mindset” to the “mindset of the rich”
  • You’ll learn how to get rid of the mental and emotional blocks that prevent you from earning what you deserve"
I suggest you reserve your spot right now. Discover how you can get rid of the mental and emotional blocks holding you back from earning what you deserve.
You can decide how you want to live your life and how much you want to earn. Making the right choices is not always easy. Joan Baez said:
"You don't get to chose how you're going to die. Or when. You can only decide how you're going to live. Now."
Life is too short to worry about paying bills or if you can support the non-profit and afford that doctor.
The Brain-A-Thon is a refresher if you're already "there" and the first step to breaking your financial barriers if you're not. Reserve your seat HERE.
I'd love to hear what you thought about the event!!!
PS: For those who want to try the program, NeuroGym now offers a 1$ trial. Get it HERE 
More info about Winning the Game of Money and Brain-A-Thons:

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Happiness in the NOW – Mindfulness

The hunt for happiness

Do you remember how your stomach tickled when you bought your first house? Went out with the Lady of your Heart/Prince for the first time?

Happiness in the NOWOur hearts beat faster when something we have been longing for finally becomes reality. Nothing stands between you and ultimate happiness anymore.

The extraordinary becomes commonness

There comes a point where dreams lose its glamor. The new house or friend are still important - but not the priority anymore. The special becomes commonness. It does not happen overnight. It is a creeping development.

Why does happiness not last?

As soon as a need has been fulfilled, it´s importance changes. If we are hungry, a good meal is the highest priority. Until we ate. Repetition also kills the appeal of novelty. After a few weeks, the new car of our dreams becomes a commodity.

Wishes come and go. It´s part of life. The more relaxed we go about it, the more effortless our life becomes. As soon as we stop believing our happiness depends on the fulfillment of this or that wish our lives change dramatically. For the better.

Taking your wishes less serious does not mean you get rid of them. It is about looking at the desire and reflecting its importance for your happiness.

After all, once you fulfilled a wish - the next one is already lurking behind the corner.

Perfectly happy does not just happen 

For me, happiness includes being grateful for what you have. If you still long for something that is missing you continue the hunt. The art is to focus on the substantial events in our lives.

With a bit of mindfulness, I start seeing more and more beautiful things in my everyday life. The happiness about a great conversation weights heavier than the anger about heavy traffic on my way home.

Happiness in the NOW

The fewer expectations and wishes you hunt, the more you can appreciate what is there. Happiness is great wealth. That might feel weird at times - after all, we think something is missing for us to be happy. 

Do not get me wrong. This is not a pledge to not pursue goals or create the life of your dreams. It is a vow to be self-aware and in the know about what is your dream and what you need to be happy. And guess what? Once you reflect and become aware of your true needs you will likely strike a lot of material wishes from your list. 

What do you need for happiness?

We invest a lot of time and energy to achieve our goals. Over time, we feel that what we have accomplished does not make us happy for an extended period. The hunt for happiness can become a neverending cycle. 
But we can break the pattern. First of all, we have to choose consciously that we do not want to be trapped any longer, like a hamster in a wheel of desires. 
Happiness is a source of power that grows from the inside. It takes patience and self-reflexion to find it. We need answers to the following questions: 
  • What do I hope to achieve by fulfilling one wish after the other?
  • How does it make me feel to do nothing for two hours?
  • What is missing for me to be perfectly happy?

Again: Do set goals and due pursue and achieve goals. Just make sure you spend your energy on those that matter for your happiness. 

Related articles: 
The Neuroscience of Happiness (Why happiness is not a hammock)
Can mindfulness change your brain?
Setting goals or drifting along
Do you want to search or find?

Project Phoenix Emotional Intelligence 

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What is a Success Coach?

How you benefit from a Success Coach

What is a Success Coach? How can you benefit? A Success Coach helps you to successfully implement new beliefs and habits that will result in goal achievement. Success blockers are being analyzed and eliminated. You could also say your brain activity and mindset is being optimized. Opposite to traditional Coaching forms, a Success Coach uses a holistic approach that takes into account body, mind, and your emotions. No matter if you call it Soul, Intuition, Higher Self, Spirit or Emotions (and please keep your world view) - for real personal success it is necessary to take your whole being into account and not just body and mind.

For whom is Success Coaching

Sadly, a lot of people think that Success Coaching is only for Managers, wealthy people and other people in C-level positions. The Law of Attraction, Winning the GameOur career is the point where are we are most likely to admit to ourselves that we could use some help. The conflict of our rational thinking and our emotions show on other levels of our lives as well. Relationships for one would be another example where Success Coaching would be more beneficial in most cases than the traditional counseling approach. You know the philosophical question: What was there first, the egg or the chicken? Most successful people are constantly working on improving themselves. Some larger companies that need their personnel to perform at their peak offer Success Coaching to their employees. That is the simple explanation why Success Coaching of often perceived as a tool for managerial office jobs. It is just more frequently used there. No matter if you are a Housewive, Realtor, CEO, Entrepreneur, Plumber or want to become the next World Wrestling Champion - Success Coaching WILL help you achieve your goals and lead a happier life. Success Coaching is for every single one who wants to live a happier, wealthier, healthier life. So if you read this and were under the impression that Success Coaching is not for you: Let us start with getting rid of a limiting belief right now: YOU deserve Success Coaching.

How will you benefit from Success Coaching

There is not a single success blocker that does not result from a conflict of your rational thinking and your emotions.  
  • Success Coaching allows you to eliminate those.
  • You will learn how to set goals and achieve them.
  • Healthy and beneficial beliefs and habits will be implemented.
  • You will achieve true personal veracity.
  • You will stop to procrastinate.

What are the best approaches for your success?

Most of the time people are not able to considerably succeed with self-improvement by just reading a book on the topic. Just like companies know they need to hire External Consultants to optimize their processes you should hire a Coach. You can either chose one of the many Success Coaches for individual coaching or use a program developed by experts. Some offers also come with community support, a forum that is typically preferred by females.

The best Success Coaching and Self-Development programs:

In no particular order (most products offer a free component as well): 1. John Assaraf Training (with 1-year community and VIP coaching support, free live events and videos available) See HERE for the full list 2. Mark Waldman: NeuroWisdom101 (free eBook available through banner on the side) Read more HERE Check out NeuroWisdom101 HERE 3. Annual LAO Live Transformation Summit (free live event) Go HERE 4. Ultimate Success Masterclass Go HERE If you are wondering why other products you have seen reviewed in my blog did not make it here: They were just not good enough. Other Reads: Cognitive Neuroscience and Fear Why the law of attraction does not work for you How to overcome fear and doubt How to make more money Impact your financial future in 10 days - Announcement  

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How To Make More Money (Realist Version)

Making more money is simple

Money is the green we all are following. It buys us freedom, health, beautiful things, and a comfortable life. While not everything you can do to help others has a price tag, even helping others can become easier when you´re financially comfortable.
Those green Benjamins are a currency. In former times, people have exchanged goods to trade for services or other products.
In some countries, I believe, you can still buy a wife with camels.

Why people fail to make more money

What if I tell you that it´s pretty simple to understand how to make more money, even though there are rarely shortcuts?
We exchange money for goods and services. How much money we give for a product or service depends on its value.
Maybe, you would pay 100k for a Ferrari. If that Ferrari had bumps or other damages, you would pay less. A Ferrari with flaws has less value.
We might not like hearing this:
The money we are currently making is the value we are offering to the market or the perception of the market of our value.
The easiest way to make more money is, to bring a higher value to the market or change the market's perception of us. Or maybe we just have to enlarge the piece of the market that knows we even exist.
We might have to take action to be seen, prospect more often raises our self-esteem and feeling of self-worth -  or upgrade our skill set.

The perceived value should be higher than the price of your service/product.

It just takes 5 minutes to sit down and think about how one can raise his value.
Two misconceptions about money:

The Law of Attraction Misunderstanding

Latest since the movie "The Secret" came out, many people are under the impression they can sit on their couches, visualize a Benjamin - and they will receive money.
There are several "Law of attraction" groups on Facebook who post Ferrari/House/Jewel pictures and comment that the law of attraction will buy them that car, house.
I hated to be the one to break it to them: This is not how the Universe works.
Opportunities are all around us. Always.
Our focus, our beliefs, and fears - many factors decide how our brain filters what we "see." If I told you today that you will see an elephant figurine in the next week, you would probably doubt that. I believe you will see one. Not because it suddenly manifested but because your focus shifted.
We "see" only small amounts of what is around us. Just imagine how you most of the time stop hearing the sound of the cars driving on the road in front of your house.
The Universe is full of abundance. The right way of thinking, altering the filter in our brain will lead to seeing more of the opportunities all around us. We´ll still have to grab them and take action.
We do not change reality. We change our perception. And THAT works.

The dirty money trap

Many people think that money is dirty and wrong. They will probably never have a lot of it and if they would it would cause problems for them.
Money is not good or bad. Just like a knife is not good or bad. Money is just a currency.
It is hard to attract something you perceive to be negative.
The best and strongest visualization is imagining your higher goal. Do you want to help a third world country? What do you want to do with the money you wished you had?
The brain is very resourceful in getting us what we want. The less concrete we word our "order," the better. There are several ways that lead to the desired result.  Big picture "orders" work the best.
Love it - visualize it - believe it - do it.
This Workshop can help you accelerate the process: REGISTER

Thanks for reading and have a great day.

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Is John Assaraf Scam?

Review of the Winning the Game of Money

Winning the Game of Money -  Brain-A-Thon

Is John Assaraf Scam? Winning the Game of MoneyMany people are wondering if John Assaraf and his programs are fraud. The “Winning the Game of Money,” Brain-a-thon system is a success coaching and brain retraining tool. It has been developed by John Assaraf and features 5 of the leading brain researchers and mind experts.Here is a video for those who are unfamiliar with John Assaraf. Short Overview: It is his newest program. He is known for several TV appearances, movies, audio books, speaker events, books  (The Secret, Law of Attraction, Having it all, Winning the Game of Money and many more). In the first seven days after launching 15.000 have signed up for the training. John Assaraf is perceived as the “Top Neuro-Training Authority”. Read also: 2016 Update 2017 Update

All Neurogym Brain-A-Thons

john assaraf scam winning the game of money review

Features at a Glance:

  • 9 Level brain re-training system
  • Contains audio, videos, live support, webinars, handbook
  • One year VIP support and coaching within a closed community. Personal contact with John Assaraf and other industry experts
  • Extensive bonus material (including the complete  bestselling program “having it all”)
  • 90-day intensive brain-retraining
  • Live Phone support
  • The included “Million Dollar Library” includes: Mark Waldman, Dr. Joan Rosenberg, Bill Seidman, George Pratt, Ken Druck, Bo Eason, Dr. Brian Alman, Tristan Truscott, Joe Sweeney, Ari Whitten, Mark Lack, Gay Hendricks, Ken Druck, Jim Bunch, Marcia Wieder, David Bach, Tom Antion, Dave Ellis, Allison Maslan, JJ Virgin
  • The also included success manifesto series includes training/videos from 20 of the “who is who” of money and success and other mindset experts.


  • 30-day money-back guarantee, unconditional
  • Unlimited streaming
  • Audio, Video can be downloaded, yours to keep
  • Used with outstanding results, by professionals from entrepreneur to salesperson and board member (according to vendor)
  • I have followed up with over 30 raving reviews to make sure it is real people with real stories
  • Complex material made accessible and easy to follow
  • Participants reached results at a high level
  • Evidence proven


  • Only available in English
  • Cost $ 997 seems high for a digital product
  • MP3 or music file player needed (no CDs included, only digital mp3 files)
  • Company seems to be changing from a coaching to an "online marketing" company and does not always seem to have the best interest of their clients in mind
  •  Biggest "Con" = very aggressive email marketing. You will receive messages promoting offers from "friends" every other day and long before you could implement what you learn in your first course. And this company has more "friends" than anyone you ever heard of. Tip: Unsubscribe button! Please let me know should that have changed, I unsubscribed from all communication and would not know. 


The brain-a-thon by John Assaraf is a unique and extremely powerful program. In both, the free and full version.
I suggest you unsubscribe/ignore the very many upsell, cross sell and what-not sell efforts as they might keep you from staying on your current topic and you might move on to the next before you successfully implemented the first.
While with the programs "Winning the Game of Fear" and bestselling "Having it all" the participants achieved outstanding results, the brain-a-thon is way superior.
It is the most complete brain re-train system available on the market today and the result of over 20 years of studies.
In addition to the powerful training, 1 year intensive support and coaching by John Assaraf and David Waldman (Live Events, Community, training), the added “bonuses” alone have a value I could not qualify in a number.
The free 6-hour web event is a powerful success blocker eliminator in itself. Attending the free seminar alone can end procrastination for everyone and lead to more success.
Where to buy: Directly from vendor HERE
UPDATE: Since July 2017 NeuroGym offers a $1 trial (might not be available forever.)  You can get it HERE 
Free Workshop:  Sign up HERE

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