How to thrive in a world that’s not fair

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  • Peter had to fire his staff when Corona hit.
  • Sonya called in sick after she didn’t receive the promotion.
  • Anthony Stockelman pleaded guilty to molesting young Katie. He was unaware that he’ll share a jail with Katie’s cousin, Jared. Jared used a makeshift tattoo gun fashioned from a cassette deck motor and a guitar string, to ink the words ‘Katie’s revenge’ in large letters across Stockelman’s forehead.
  • “Because my ex cheated on me,” she responded when asked why she’s single, even though the relationship was over 10 years ago.
  • A woman feels disrespected by a waiter and plants a stink puppet in the restaurant.
  • Someone hacked my password manager and practically deleted my from the internet. All of my sites, server, social media profiles, YouTube channel, podcasts, email accounts, email subscriber lists, and many other accounts. (True story and why you haven’t heard from me in some time.)
How to thrive in a world that is not fair

What these examples have in common is that people felt treated unfairly.

In Business and in live, you don’t get what you deserve, you get what you negotiate.

Dr. Chester Karass

3 Strategies to thrive in an unfair world

Learn to love your fate (Amor Fati)

In my article “Amor Fati – A love of fate“, I state:

If a fire burns fiercely blazing, it doesn’t matter what you throw into it. It doesn’t just tolerate the different fuels, but the variety makes it burn even stronger and brighter.

Aurorasa Sima

What I mean by that is that a large amount of our suffering comes from not accepting our fate.

By accepting things we cannot change, we can reduce the amount of our suffering greatly and have more energy to change the things we can change.

If we fail to do so, we might render our ability to influence change obsolete.

The world is not fair. Lamenting about it and comparing our fate with the fate of our neighbor, doesn’t change that and strips us of energy we can well use to change the parts of our lives we have power over.

Love more (why old people are happier)

My favorite author, Herman Hesse, writes in his book Gertrud:

..You have to learn to love someone so much that their wellbeing is more important than your own. …

Hermann Hesse

We often say that youth is the best time of our lives. Is that really true? An observation I made is that older people are often happier.

The reason is that older people are less selfish.

While we are young, we make everything about ourselves. Even when we think of others, we do so self-referential most of the time. Once we have family and often with age, we start to think about others and often put their well-being before our own.

That makes us happy.

Caring for and about others is a happiness drugs and especially beneficial in times of crisis.

Communicate effectively

Most of the time, when I use this expression I mean it in the sense of getting through to people.

An World War II poster famously said:

Loose lips sink ships

World War II poster

Crisis like we are facing it right now with the Coronavirus is always a breeding ground for gossip, speculation, and conspiracy theories.

In times like these, it is especially hard not to participate in chatter that, even if not ill-intended, is gossip.

If you think about it, how much of conversations you hear or lead are listening to someone telling you how great they are. And what percentage of conversations you are involved in are about other people.

One of my mentors, Marshall Goldsmith, conveyed an international study and came to the conclusion that on average 70% of communication is wasted.

Wasted to bragging, listen to someone who’s bragging, gossip and chatter.

A fabulous recipe to get better through crisis and any other time is to reduce this number greatly.

Make your words matter.

In her bestselling book Daring Greatly: How the Courage to Be Vulnerable Transforms the Way We Live, Love, Parent, and Lead Brené Brown states:

Daring greatly means the courage to be vulnerable and be seen. To ask for what you need. To talk about how you’re feeling. To talk about how you’re feeling. To have the hard conversations.

Brené Brown

Last word

If you want to thrive in an unfair world, you could look at crisis as opportunity for greatness. People have always needs. We might have to think in new ways and we might have to dare to be seen.

Visualize what’s possible and decide to do something about it.

If the old ways stopped working, go out and find new ways.

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Are you motivated by fear or love?

are you motivated by fear or love Are you healthy? Do you live a fulfilled life? Are your relationships healthy and respectful? And how about your job? Are you doing it out of love or out of fear? Have you ever thought about it? In life, we make decisions all the time. Often we find it difficult and our head is spinning:

  • Should I quit or hang on?
  • Should I accept the job offer or not?
  • Should I start my own business or keep my boring but secure 9-5? Should I leave and get a divorce or stay and fight?

Is fear or love ruling your life?

I think that we make decisions in two very different ways and I have the question for you that might make the decision-making process much easier for you: You can make decisions out of fear. An example: I stay in this partnership that makes me unhappy because I am afraid to be alone. Or: I will not quit my job because I am afraid I might not find a new one.And you can make decisions out of love: I want to find a new job that will allow me to do what I am passionate about. Or: I will stay in this marriage because my partner is the person I want to spend the rest of my life with even though we are currently going through a hard time.Do you feel the difference?What you could try when you have to make the next decision is asking yourself the following question: If I go with the first option, will I do it out of fear or out of love? And if it's out of fear, what exactly am I afraid of? If it's out of love, what exactly do I love about it the most?If I chose option two, would I do it more out of fear or out of love? is your life ruled by fear or love

Love or fear?

These two can hardly coexist. If you are full with love, there is no room for fear. And if you are full with fear, there is no room for love. One is always real while the other is an illusion.

Conditioned to be afraid

Sadly, we've been conditioned to be afraid. The conditioning starts when we are still children. If we ask too many "stupid" questions in school, the other kids laugh at us. And if we gain too much weight, we will not be part of the popular girls group. We learn that we can't become a doctor if we do not pass a certain grade. Negative self-talk and the rules of society further add to the problem.

Painful experience changes our brain

One of the reasons why training your emotional intelligence is of uttermost importance, is that negative experience - any form of pain - changes our brain. If we have been fired once, every time our boss calls us into the office, our brain will remember the past situation and our behavior will subconsciously change. That applies to any kind of pain - physical or emotional.

Fear-based decisions = opportunities missed

If I look at my past, the decisions I made out fear were not very good. Especially, when the fear of losing something or what other people might think were the motivator. If I made compromises, my decisions didn't fully satisfy me.

My decision is love

When I made decisions out of love, mostly good and even great things came from it. For instance, my self-employment that allows me to serve you right now. I decided against my instinct and against my strong need for security. Obviously, to make decisions out of passion or love has risks. You can make the wrong decision and fail. Generally speaking, I think decisions out of passion and love are better. The decisions I made out of love made me happier. And even if I failed, I did not feel regret.

The big difference between fear and love decisions

If my motivation is fear, I am trapped in scarcity. I am looking for ways to avoid what I fear and I am not open to grow. But if I make a decision out of love, I am not going the way of least resistance and I am opening myself up for opportunity. Just think about it. What is your experience? How did fear-based and love-based decisions work out for you in the past?

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